i have struggled
fulfilling the role
assigned to me
–
man
as perceived by
men
and women
–
to adhere to the strict doctrine of
masculinity
supported by
overbearing
phallic totems
–
impersonal
patriarchal systems
dictate
who and how
we are
–
i have questioned
been questioned
by myself
by lovers
by strangers
–
frustrated
not living
up to expectations
–
i am emotional and
despise it
soft
yet yearn
to be hard
passive
even when aggressive
–
tastes and tendencies
cross
dress down the facade
of boorish arrogance
propped up
to play the character
–
feminine traits draw
attention and
jeering
corrective action
–
so i cover her up
in baggy clothes and
stoic emotionlessness
speak in logic
deny the fantastic
avoid intimacy
and walk in the most straightforward direction
–
even though
i want anything but